listentomymuse | Spring rain among ice storms

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Spring rain among ice storms

[Ven has been...adapting to Empatheias as much as he could have.

It's been full of ups and downs, the way he's grown to adjust to having a body again after going 10+ years without it. Meeting people he's only ever seen from Sora's memories, connected to his heart. However, nothing could have made him prepared for whatever this is between him and Riku.

Soulmates.

Apparently in this world, soulmates are common, mixed in with how emotions affect them. Everyone has someone to help them, bond with them. Their emotions become connected to each other in a rather...intimate manner and Ventus hasn't expecting his emotions to suddenly click with Riku's. But they made it work, even if there are still many unsaid things left between them.

Riku's still hurting over Sora being soulmates with someone else, and Ventus is wondering if this will be all okay in the end, despite doing what he can to help Riku.

It's why he's been taking little steps to lessen their link a little bit, enough that Riku won't be able to feel the small pangs of hurt that comes whenever he sees Riku looking at him in a certain way - almost as if he's Sora. And Ventus can't confront him on this either.

But they're making it work - albeit slowly.

But it's also why Ventus has found himself at the lighthouse, fingers idly weaving a flower crown together while he listens to the waves below as the stars gleam above.]

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[It's not Riku's fault - not all of it.

Ventus has always had issues of his own to deal with, and given that the last person he actually talked to before his heart sought Sora's was Vanitas. His other half. His Darkness.

Everything that Ven was and torn apart from him.

It makes the ice in his body grow, chilling him to the bone that even Riku's coat could never hope to keep out.

His heart isn't as big as Sora's, but it's big enough. He reaches out to people, let them feel the gentle warmth that helps them smile, helps them reach their dreams. He's that spring breeze that comes to melt away the ice and bring in the season of flowers and gentleness. But then again, that's all he is.

A wind.

A current of air no one can see and can't grab a hold of. And the wind and earth can't hope to be matched up, right? He's always meant to keep on traveling, a memory of withered rocks and erosion left in his wake from the damage that he's brought. That he'll continue to bring.

Much like how it is for Sora and Riku.

Why is he here?

Riku is suddenly in his vision and Ventus blinks, startled, but the frost continues to grow, creeping up along the hand that remains on his shoulder. He looks up at him, deep blue meeting sea green.]

It's not yours either.

[Riku isn't to blame for how he feels and Ven...Ven knows where his part lies with all of this. He's always been more of a weapon than someone who could be loved--

He's the broken boy who failed to become the blade, after all.]

[ The frost is worrisome and yet... Riku can understand why it's there. His own ice has chilled him from the inside, the weight of it pushing through his body like shards of glass forcing their way through his veins. It's numbing, a means to try and freeze over any sort of emotion, be it good or bad. To just simply not feel anything anymore, especially in the moment. He knows this, he's done it so many times himself and yet to think that it might be happening to Ven, that Ven might think this is necessary to him or a fault of his for simply being who he is aside from who he "should be" in Riku's eyes...

...it is his fault.

That thought alone causes fingers to curl against the shoulder, cracking the frost that gently touches his knuckles and for his head to bow, eyes falling shut, strands of silver falling in front of his face.

Why can't he... why can't he do the right thing for once? Why can't he just accept his soulmate and this bond that pulls them together- that has pulled them together right here by the lighthouse? Why can't he be like everyone else who so freely and willingly accepts this without question? Even Sora accepted his own soulmate, reassuring Riku that he would find his own and be happy with them, not even realizing how much those words hurt to hear from him. Why is he like this? Why is he so difficult? Why is the need to reassure Ven throbbing against the inside of his wrist? ]

I want to fight this so bad. [ Softly, he admits, figuring that Ven probably knows. ] I don't want to be drawn to you. I don't want some mark on the inside of my wrist to dictate who I should and shouldn't love. I don't want to be forced to be with someone who doesn't deserve to put up with me.

[ Fingers clutch at that shoulder still and there's silence that falls over them in the moment, teeth dragging over his lower lip. ]

But it hurts. [ Another soft admission, he lifts his head, enough to look through strands of silver and see the way his mark burns on the inside of his wrist as he clutches at Ven's shoulder. ] It hurts so much to see you this way, to be away from you, to know that I do this to you.

[Ventus is quiet, allowing Riku to speak and get his thoughts in order. They’ve never really talked about this, about what would happen if they fought against this bond forced upon them and what it could do to them. Ven accepted it with ease, though he knows Riku wouldn’t.

Still hasn’t.

They’ve never spoken in length about it, just that it’s there. It exists, so why bother talking about it? Except that they can feel each other, their emotions linked in a way that’s far too intimate that it might as well be linked to their hearts thesemlves. They’re both hurting in different ways and it’s hard to ignore that.

It’s why Ventus is watching Riku, studying him.

He wants to comfort him, to reach up and assure him that it’s fine, that it’s okay. But he can’t. Not this time. Not because he doesn’t want to, but that he can’t. Riku has always been an enigma to him, so quick in his doubts about himself and swimming so deep in his own self-loathing that Ventus isn’t sure if he could ever hope to reach out to him.

He wants to scream. He wants to yell, but anything he wants to say dies on his tongue or caught in his throat.

In a way, he can understand Vanitas now, and the mere idea of being alone is terrifying without his heart whole—not without Riku.

Eyes sliding shut, Ven eventually reaches up, his hand over Riku’s on his shoulder. The pain is there, stronger now to be felt, but he also focuses on the warmth that passes through them. His mark is soothed by the contact, the pain slowly easing, but he doesn’t say anything again. Unsure if Riku is willing to continue, he doesn't want to do anything that can set him back.

Ven can’t lose Riku. But perhaps Riku can afford to lose him?]

[ The walls of ice that Riku has put up around his heart slowly begin to melt the second that Ven's warmth touches them. It's difficult, so very difficult and there's a part of him that wants to lash out, to fight back, to tell Ven to stop being so reassuring and caring towards him. That he doesn't deserve his affection nor touch nor warmth. None of it. He's pushed at him, buried his heart around thick walls of ice in an attempt to protect himself from this mark- this stupid mark on the inside of his wrist that burns when he's pulled away from Ven yet warms and tickles in delight when he's right here with him.

But Ven is warm, so very warm and in ways that Sora isn't. Sora is bright and shines through the darkness like a beacon of hope. But Ventus... Ventus is that gentle light at the end of the tunnel that one sees when surrounded by darkness and he can feel him in this moment, feel that gentle warmth touching at his skin, at his heart, melting away the ice into water.

Because with forcing himself to be away from Ven, to be away from the one who emotionally and physically understands him on such an intimate level where words don't even need to be said to convey how he feels, let alone what he thinks of something... to be away from that person is a pain so much more difficult than the darkness suffocating him in shadows and Riku isn't so sure he can keep doing this.

Without even realizing it, he takes Ven's hand on his shoulder into his own and presses it against his cheek, the sound of a gentle gasp leaving his lips as he does so. This person here... because that's what he is, regardless of what anyone else may say or think, he's his own person and Riku has never looked at him as anything other than that. ]

It hurts less when you're here.

[The gentle dawn—that’s what Ven is. He’s the light that brings in the warmth after a chilling night, the darkness that creeps into the light. He can feel the ice around Riku slowly melting away, and in response, the frost that lingered between them slowly begins to disappear as well. His light isn’t strong — but it’s enoigh.

He won’t lie. He won’t deny that it hurts having Riku apart from him. That the one person he’s so connected to would rather keep away and pretend this bond doesn’t exist at all.

Like none of this ever happened.

But as his hand makes contact with Riku’s cheek, he stills in surprise. It’s odd like this. He’s never touched Riku, not really, and the other teen never initiated anything either. Ventus would always give him little touches, fleeting and gone like the wind the next minute, and he never lingered either.

And the way Riku is looking at him—]

Will you still try to fight it? [A sincere question with no true desire of wanting to know the answer. Ven isn’t sure what he thinks, of how to feel, and Riku has leeway to continue thinking nothing is between them.

But now? Neither of them can ignore this, not when Ven is still keeping up that gentle warmth between them.]

[ Does he want to continue to fight this? To go through the push and pull that comes with ignoring the matching marks they both wear on the insides of their wrists that bounds them together as soulmates in this world? It's been weeks now, leading into two months about that he's been ignoring this, pining over Sora from afar, having to put Ven through this emotional turmoil that he knows the blond has been feeling because of their bond. This isn't fair to him and it's why he so desperately wishes that Ven was bound to someone else- anyone else aside from him.

And yet that warmth... that gentle warmth that touches his skin and sinks into his very heart calls to him in ways that Sora never truly has. The dizzying delight of the gentle warmth that is Ven is enough to melt the ice around his heart and fill the cold with soft, warm light, a light that is so very different from Sora's but just as strong in its own way. Does Ven even know that? Understand that? Or does he think of his light as dimmer- weaker than Sora's and therefore not as good?

To fight this warmth, to fight these blue eyes that look to him so gently with a reassurance laced with a curious fondness for him when he doesn't deserve it in the least... Riku turns his face into Ven's palm and gently, so very gently, lips ghost over soft skin in simple movement, not a kiss. But it's enough, oh it's enough to make his heart beat louder and his skin to raise in goosebumps as the mark on the inside of his wrist burns in such delight that it's enough to make him shiver and for eyes to fall shut.

It's ecstasy. Pure and raw ecstasy of touching the person he's physically and emotionally bound to.

It's a desire that he hasn't felt towards Sora - not like this - and one that feels so impossible to fight that he finds himself taking hold of that hand against his cheek, reaching out for Ven, and leaning in to brush his lips over Ven's in a kiss. ]

[For once, Ven doesn’t feel a flicker of hesitation, of reluctance. There’s simply a pause, a calm assurance as he waits for Riku to say something — to do something. Both of them aren’t particularly good with words, especially when it comes to how they’re feeling. Riku prefers to keep his emotions to himself, hiding it behind a wall of ice filled with doubt and hesitance whereas Ven accepts his feelings and continues on with a smile on his face.

Even if Riku claims his light isn’t strong enough, that the darkness is always stronger, Ven can feel it. Riku isn’t made of pure darkness, not like those Ven knows personally, and his darkness is kind. It’s warm in its own way, mixed in with the glimmer of light deep within.

He’s become the dawn.

Ven inhales sharply through his nose upon feeling lips ghost over his palm. The touch is fleeting and enough to make it seem like there hasn’t been a point of contact, but he can feel it. It makes his mark tingle in a pleasant way, washing any sort of pain anyway and replace it with affection. With the surge of utmost pleasure at being able to finally have his soulmate like this.

So close.

So it’s even more of a surprise when Riku leans in to kiss him, and it warrants a rush of ecstasy, the way it has Ven immediately relaxing into it, kissing back.]

[ The moment his lips touched Ven's, he knew he was doomed.

That rush of ecstasy that spills from Ven's lips, drips onto his own and Riku finds himself giving into the feeling of wanting more from this blond, from this person, from his soulmate. The world around them more or less disappears and all that Riku can focus on is Ven and how right it feels to have his lips against his own. In a way, it's maddening. It's maddening and addictive and he never thought he could feel this way about someone else as he does Ven and the thought only makes his mark sing in such delight that he doesn't even realize how tightly he now grips the blond as he pours himself into that kiss between them.

To be touched by Ven... it burns. It burns so much that he can't help the gentle sound that he makes against Ven's lips. But it's not as it feels when he pulls away from Ven. No, it's... it's different. It burns in a way where he needs to be touched by Ven, wants to and he finds himself pushing Ven up against the brick of the lighthouse and pinning him there as he deepens their kiss, the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks down below drowning out the beating of his heart that he can feel drumming louder and faster within his chest. ]

[It all feels too—right. Not perfect, not everything is perfect, but right now? This feels right. This feels as though he’s been waiting for this; that a part of him just become completed that he makes no move to pull away or to move. If anything, he responds to the kiss deeper, an insistent desire for more burning inside of him.

His mark tingles, burning with pleasure and it spreads through his body.

This is right. This is all he wants.

It’s not exactly feeling whole, but at the same time, it is. Like another half of his heart has clicked into place and it’ll stay there. As he feels himself pushed up against the lighthouse, his free hand coming up to tangle fingers into silver hair. The sound that escapes from him isn’t a moan, but resembles close—a soft sigh that it alone expresses the pleased feeling that envelops him.]

[ Those little sounds fill Riku with such a desire and need to touch Ven that it practically makes him dizzy from the rush of it all. To know that Ven wants this- wants him... it only feeds that desire that stirs within him and makes him want to draw out more of those lovely little sounds.

Hands come to cradle at Ven's face as their kiss deepens and his head spins in a dizzy delight. Because this feels right, this feels good, this feels like everything he's been missing and wanting from this so-called bond of theirs. To give into this bond, this pull, this desire for the one you share a mark with... it's enough to make him forget why he had been pulling away, why he had been refusing to accept it, why he had been so willing to try and fight it all in the first place.

But it's when fingers slip away from Ven's face and find themselves pushing up and under the hem of his shirt that he feels a shiver rush up his spine from feeling warm skin against fingertips. It's enough to make him break their kiss, to pull back just enough to look to Ven as he catches his breath and blue-green eyes stare into those lovely blue ones that belong to Ven, his soulmate. ]

It's late.

[When Riku pulls away, it seems that all coherent thought suddenly returns to Ven and he almost makes a sound, a flicker of disapproval felt between them.

But the want, this acceptance, the desire—it’s enough to make him remember that yes, they are still in public whether people actually go to the lighthouse or not. And while Ven would love to continue the kiss, he also isn’t ready to have people see them like this. Little displays of affection is fine, but with Riku finally accepting...he’d rather not take the chance.

Ven pants softly, giving a nod and it’s with some reluctance that he begins to pry his fingers away from his hair.]

R-Right.

[ To be pulled away from Ven like this after having more or less succumbed to the desires that come from the pull of that shared mark between them... it has Riku swallow thickly, suddenly so aware of how fast and loud his heart is beating in his chest. Giving in like this is addictive and so very difficult to break away from that it almost worries him, has him wonder just what could very well happen between them when caution is entirely thrown to the wind and it's just the two of them; is it even something that Ven wants or simply a result of this bond?

Regardless, he pulls away, still catching his breath and cards a set of fingers through his silver hair, pushing some of it out of the way. ]

I... can walk you home. If you want...

[ Because they don't live together, no, and it's been helpful in his mission to ignore this bond, this soulmate business about this world that he's been fighting tooth and nail to ignore since coming here.

But now, what with having allowed himself to give in a little, even as fleeting as it was, would living apart simply put them right back to where they were minutes ago? Or would it suddenly make things even more difficult and more painful than before? ]

[With how long they haven't explored the bond, it's easy to give into the wants and desires that comes with it. It's addictive, a constant pull that he's been warned about from his housemates. If this is enough to get them to throw caution to the wind, then what would happen if they actually go all the way? He's honestly a little afraid to find out, but he also wants to dive more into it.

Let himself lost to Riku.

As soon as Riku pulls away, he takes a deep breath and he looks at him.]

...Only if you want to.

[He's not sure if he wants to pull Riku close again or maintain some sort of distance between them. The mark tingles again, not quite hurting, but there's a constant pull to him that he has to get used to.

With this being new to the both of them, they would have to take little steps.]

[ Does he want to? ]

I wouldn't have offered if I didn't.

[ There. It's said and done as a sort of reassurance, right?

Still, Riku steps back from Ven and feels the way his mark gently throbs against the inside of his wrist as he does so, as if stepping away from his soulmate were such a crime to commit. But considering the lengths that he's gone to with avoiding this bond, with trying to pretend that there's nothing there between them and never will be... he can understand why the mark burns as it does, desperately wanting to be reunited and feel good as it did seconds ago.

But, not out here. Not out in public like this. It's cold and dark and Ven is still wearing his jacket. ]

Shouldn't take too long.

[ It's muttered as he turns, forcing his hands to shove themselves into his pockets rather than reach out and take Ven's hand. ]

[Ven just gives Riku a sort of look before he finally gets up to his feet.]

Alright then.

[A part of him feels the need to reach out and take Riku's hand, but he can't. So, he just inhales through his nose and breathes out. It looks as if he wants to say something, but eventually opts not to.

The longer they linger, the stronger the pull becomes and Ven is still trying to wrap his mind around this. This sudden acceptance and wonders if by tomorrow, it'll be gone and they're back to playing pretend. It makes him almost shake his head to dispel such thoughts, and instead, he starts walking back to where he's staying.

He's not sure if his housemates are actually home, but he does know that they might not be too pleased to see Riku either. They can talk more about this tomorrow.]

[ The entire walk to Ven's place is more or less silent on both ends. What's there to say, really? To have given into the pull between them when he had only meant to try and reassure Ven that none of this was his fault with how he acted towards him... but, was that really why he approached him? It's what he was telling himself. That he offered his jacket to him as a means to keep warm, not because he... cared. But even then, that's not right either, is it? Riku cares, for those close to him and those he considers important, he does. He may not always voice it or even show it in ways that others like Sora are more open about doing. But he has his own ways, he does, he always has. It's just that... with Ven... it's different.

Right?

The walk doesn't take long, fifteen minutes at most, but it's the silence that lingers over them that makes it feel as though it's much more longer than that. It's when they approach Ven's place that Riku comes to stop a little ways outside of it and suddenly finds that... he doesn't want to see him go... as annoying as that is. But, is it really?

So, he stands there, hands in his pockets, giving a glance to Ven out of the corner of his eye before he looks back ahead, figuring that Ven will just... slip inside. ]

[Could Riku have done it out of pity?

Could he have done it because he's finally given into it?

Ven wants to know and yet he doesn't. He has a history of finding out answers that he wishes he doesn't know and has come to regret in time. Really, all he wants to know is whether or not Riku would find this - him - to be a mistake, after all. The mark burns at the thought and he holds back a groan of annoyance.

Now was not the time for this.

But as they come closer to the house, Ven shrugs off the jacket and hands it back to Riku.]

Here.

[He doesn't want Riku to go. Doesn't want to see him leave, but being so close like this--He's not sure if he can handle it any much longer before wanting to give into it.

And he refuses to force Riku into this any longer.

So, he holds out the jacket out to him, waiting for him to take it back.]

[ Despite the warmth that permeates from Ven so gently like a spring breeze, Riku can feel the tiny sparks of insecurities that lay within him just as much as Ven can feel his own. The bond makes them all that more sharper- clearer and it's nearly impossible to keep it hidden from the other when being bound together not only physically but emotionally as well. So for them to both be standing there in silence and wondering what the other thinks, let alone feels, it's awkward and more than likely why neither of them seem to bring that topic up with each other.

When the jacket is offered to him, however, Riku comes to glance over to Ven and blue-green eyes slowly blink as he stares to the jacket hanging from his fingertips. This is how it's going to end for the night, isn't it? Neither of them really addressing what's happened, what it meant or even could mean, just pretend that it was a slip up, maybe, nothing more than that.

Right?

Dragging his teeth over his lower lip, Riku gives a short nod and reaches out to take his jacket from Ven. But it's that simple brush of his fingers against Ven's that causes his mark to thrum against the inside of his wrist and, before he can really stop himself from doing so, he takes hold of Ven's wrist and pulls him close for a kiss. ]

[It's easier to pretend than to acknowledge it. And while Ventus is usually more....blunt about his feelings, everything about this is new and he's still learning to readjust to being here again. Going over ten years without a body, including having shared a heart with someone else for so long, can be quite a thing to get accustomed to. And with their own insecurities bothering them, it's best to wait and see.

Wait and see for how much longer Riku will pull away or come close again.

So, he's naturally surprised when he's tugged in for a kiss again, the simple contact enough to have his heart race and small crackling of light to appear them - flickers of fireflies that comes and goes quickly. He almost kisses back, he wants to, but he also knows that Riku didn't really do this because he wants to.

No. It's the bond, isn't it.

It's for that reason, after a pleasured hum makes its way out of his throat that he has to force himself to pull away before they get caught up in it again, before they both become too drawn into the desire, the headiness that slowly surrounds them. He swallows thickly, a faint flush painting his cheeks.]

[ Riku can sense- feel the confusion bubbling within Ven and it's only when the blond pulls away that he allows his own thoughts to catch up to him and try to push through the thick fog of desire that clouds his mind with nothing but Ven and this bond of theirs.

Swallowing, Riku holds his jacket by the tips of his fingers as he stares to the blond and notices the gentle brush of pink against his cheeks. It's the silence that seems to harm them, that cuts through any sort of desire of giving into each other and distorts it, fills them with insecurities, tries to change their minds disguised as reason. It's not helping them in any sort of way and for a long moment, Riku isn't sure what to say despite knowing this. ]

It's not you...

[ It's me? Is that what he really wants to say? It's the bond? That doesn't sound any better. But... it's not Ven's fault, it never has been and if there's anyone to blame for this it is him, despite what Ven may claim. He's the one that's been pretending this doesn't exist, that's been pining after Sora in silence, that's been trying to distance himself from Ven and it's not fair to the blond to suddenly give in like this without so much as taking the other's feelings into consideration.

So then... what does he say? What can he say to try and reassure Ven? To apologize for how he's been? How he's currently being? How he can't even promise him anything right now because he has no idea what he's feeling or what's happening himself? The thoughts have Riku sigh and bring a hand up to his face, shaking his head against his palm. ]

You don't deserve this.

[ You don't deserve being stuck with me. ]

[Ven is quiet, uncertain and for once, he doesn't want to talk about this. He doesn't want to hear Riku's words of self-loathing or how he doesn't "deserve" any of this. Riku...Riku doesn't know much about him, to be honest, so it's not surprising to know the kinds of sins Ven has committed, the darkness he's brought upon himself and his friends.

The reason that Terra and Aqua have both gone missing because he's too weak to help them.

For once, he doesn't utter words of assurance. What can he say? No matter what he says or does, Riku won't believe him and while Ven is that little optimistic ball of sunshine--

There's a darkness in him, too. A certain kind of despair that hangs over him.

Lips pursed, he looks at something over Riku's shoulder, not quite looking at him. But then his shoulders...slump a bit.]

Maybe--Maybe it'd be a good idea for you to think about this more, Riku. [His voice is soft, the wind picking up around them.] Or talk to Sora.

[Because Ven...Ven isn't making things any better, is it?] And figure out what it is you really want. I can keep telling you that you're wrong, but it might not change anything and--

[In the end, it will always be Sora that Riku loves most.

He shakes his head, a step back from Riku.]

Just...come talk to me when you do figure things out. [His mark burns and he can feel the familiar pain shoot up. But Ven is adamant in his choice, willing to give Riku the distance that he needs to think it over. To talk to Sora. Because Ventus isn't sure if his light is enough anymore.

So, for once, he's the one who turns to walk away.]

[ Somehow this moment feels so fleeting and yet to see Ven being the one to pull away... it's as if time somehow stops around them and the colour from the world slowly begins to drain.

This isn't... this isn't how this should be, is it? He should be the one to pull away from Ven, to turn around, to walk away, to try and pretend that he doesn't feel an overwhelming desire to be around the blond as much as he possibly can be. It's... cruel, so cruel and selfish to think that he should be the one to do this and yet when Ven does it, when Ven begins to gently pull away from their bond... it hurts. It hurts so much to think that his soulmate is uncertain of him, that he could very well believe that he doesn't deserve to be stuck with someone like him. It's all the things that Riku has claimed to want, that were true... so then why does this hurt so much?

For a moment, he seems frozen in place, staring to Ven with his words just barely penetrating his whirlwind of thoughts as he stares after him and it's in this moment that he realizes he could very well lose him. That Ven, of all people, his soulmate... could be gone.

And it's all his fault.

With haste, Riku moves suddenly and fingers wrap around Ven's wrist as he pulls him back, wanting to have the blond face him. His jacket has fallen, discarded and not important and rather than pull him in for an attempt at a kiss, Riku comes to fall to his knees, hanging his head in shame. Strands of silver cover his face, fingers gripping so tight at Ven's wrist that he silently worries he might hurt him. But the pain of the mark on the inside of his wrist that throbs at the thought of losing Ven here... it's so much more worse than he could have ever imagined. ]

Don't... [ The word is so gentle, soft, broken almost as he grits his teeth and stares to the ground. ] ...don't leave.

[In order to pull away, there has to be something to pull away from. It hurts to even think about pulling away from Riku, to keep his distance, and it makes him want to scream, to shout, to cry. That he believes that his soulmate, this person this world deemed to be his other half, doesn't want him. It's so easy to think that: no one ever wants Ven in the first place. Xehanort discarded him at the Land of Departure for being useless, and Eraqus was so ready to erase his very existence.

He's fine being alone. He's fine with being friends with the people he's gotten to know. He's fine with always being second or third - never being anyone's first.

No one would ever come to him for anything.

When Riku suddenly moves and grabs him, keeping him in place while he falls down to his knees, Ven has to fight hard to keep his expression calm.

At the plea, Ven blinks once in surprise before he sighs out softly, a gentle smile appearing on his face. With his other hand, he cups Riku's cheek.]

I'm not leaving. [Not yet. Not until he knows what Riku's answer will end up being.] But I want you to figure out how you feel, too, Riku. I'll still be around.

[He won't ever leave Riku. Yet he can't get close to him again either - not enough for that want to draw them close.]

[ It's not that he doesn't believe Ven. It's that there are certain things that he's not saying which makes Riku worry, makes his mark throb on the inside of his wrist, make him drop to his knees as he currently is and hold tight to that wrist he almost refuses to let go of.

Because this is just like him. To push away those who mean so much to him. To betray a bond he shares with another. To think only of himself and what he wants, so selfishly so, stewing in his annoyance and frustration at how unfair everything is and how envious he is of the one who is Sora's soulmate when he should be him. All of this is exactly what first got him and everyone else into all the trouble back then: his own selfish desires.

So why? Why does he keep doing this? Why can't he see past his own greed and wanting everything to be as he wants it? Why can't he come to see that there's compromise? That there are others who feel things? That he's not the only one in this world who has suffered and lost and feels hurt with whatever has happened in their life? Why can't he do that? ]

I'm hurting you. [ He says then, fingers still gripping Ven's wrist. ] I'm hurting you... and you won't say it. You won't say how much it hurts to have me for a soulmate when you know that I've been pulling away from you. I know you do. I know I'm hurting you. I know you're waiting for me to come to you even if you want to come to me. You're hurting and you're pretending that you're not because you think you deserve it.

[ A beat. ]

Because you think no one wants you. That I don't want you.

[He hit the nail on the head.

Ventus grows quiet, his light dimming as Riku is forcing him to acknowledge his own fears. He knows it’s true, it’s why he hadn’t said anything. How could he when Riku is already facing his own set of challenges and insecurities? He doesn’t need Ven’s on top of that. It’s so much easier to move on with a smile on his face, turning his back to the shadows even as it grows larger behind him.

He bites the inside of his cheek, hesitant. Then he says:]

Isn’t it true? [The question comes easily and there’s...a sudden calm that rushes over him.

He pulls his hand away.]

It’s not just you, Riku. It’s like how you think you can never deserve happiness after everything that you’ve done—that you deserve to be alone and unhappy.

[Left in the cold where no warmth can ever touch him.]

...No one wants a broken person.

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